....But I'm feeling much better now. Despite the fact I've twice now entirely lost the blog I was in the midst of writing.
I rounded out my weekend of movies with Garden State, an excellent movie written and by Zach Braff, about a young man who returns home after his mother dies and essentially learns what it is to live. A beautiful, damn near perfect movie, and a great contrast to his goofy and neurotic character on the sitcom Scrubs. The last one I watched was Chronicles of Riddick with Andrew, a film expanding a character writer / director David Twohy first created in his film Pitch Black, an excellent film that is, as Entertainment Weekly called it -- "possibly the world's first art-house science fiction film." Riddick didn't get very good reviews, but I liked it, and was pleasantly surprised by it, having gone into it with fairly low expectations. It still managed to have a different feel to it than comes standard with sci-fi films, and at times had a
I'm still feeling stiff and sore -- probably a combination of heaving so hard and still having my gallbladder be agitated -- and I'm beset with an odd, dry kind of headache. It could be leftover from the Vicodin I broke down and took last night, or just more of what's going on. All I know is that while I don't feel great, I'm even better than I was yesterday. I just can't do any of the things in my title as it hurts!
Despite all that, I'm really glad to know why I've probably been feeling so under the weather for the past couple of years. About two years ago, I suddenly put on 20 pounds for no apparent reason, and after spending a frustrating year trying to tweak my diet and exerecise routine to no avail, I began seeking alternative reasons. I first went to my doctor, but feeling "tired all the time" and feeling always "blah" didn't lead him to any conclusions, and the tests we did simply came back stating I was probably the healthiest person in the clinic.
But my intuition kept telling me there was something more. I kept getting more and more fatigued and worn-out feeling, and finally turned to acupuncture. Which has been helping immensely. I did stop going to the gym a few months ago, partly because I had started to get really frustrated with the fact the weight was remaining steadfastedly stuck no matter what I did and a sense of self-loathing had started to creep in, along with a feeling of burnout, and because Dr. Qin (pronounced "chin"), my Chinese physican had recommended that I take a break as it was seeming to only sap me.
I'd fought that suggestion for awhile, but I knew he was right. That was back in September. And while I miss it, it's been a healthy time of getting some new perspective on what was really driving me so hard at the gym and to slip into acceptance of myself in a healthier way. But the thing is, I think I finally have the answer for what's been going on with me. The sensations for which Mo has been treating me have been somewhat elusive in revealing their true source. She's an amazing acupuncturist, and through her questions I've become extremely body- and health-conscious in a very good way; I've never ceased to be amazed at the questions she's asked that has revealed a seemingly unimportant symptom I'd had during the week as something key. It's been a fascinating year.
If anything, all Mo's hard work and the help of the doctors there (and the rest of the awesome staff there at the clinic!) has led up to this discovery. And I'd be willing to bet my house (if I had one), that if it hadn't been for all they've done for me -- between the treatments and the herbs -- that my situation would have been far worse on Saturday. So I'm extremely grateful for all their help, support and guidance. And now we have something we can really work with!
I'm not looking forward to the surgery per se, but I do feel very glad to know why I've been feeling so under the weather for the past two years. The weight gain coincided with the onset of the other symptoms, so perhaps I have the answer for that as well. Granted, my last fling with the flu caused me to lose ten pounds, but that wasn't quite the answer I was looking for.
I do, however, think we sometimes get sick for purposeful reasons. As I said in my first blog, when I came out of my last flu, I felt as if I had some things settled in me that I'd been struggling with for awhile; this time, with this whole gallbladder thing, I can't shake the feeling that I'm again on the verge of something big and important. I don't know what, but there's someting in and around all this that's leading me to...something. So for that reason, I'm looking forward to all of this, even if it was my body just simply finally revealing to me what was the true issue so that I can, with the help of the surgery and my acupuncture, get on track to being on the level of health I want.
So for all that, I'm quite grateful this happened. That may be hard to understand, but it's just a brand new challenge for me. One of the things I've so far learned is that, now that I'm on a (temporary but mandatory low-to-no fat diet; the gallbladder's job is to digest fat and right now, in its state of agitation, any fat that comes in has the possibility to really irritate it again) is that I've developped a real taste for Rye Krisps -- even saturated fat free ones -- something I never particularly cared for before.
My other learning experience in all this will be Andrew. He was quite thoughtfully respectful towards my new diet on Sunday. "Mmm," he said as his pizza baked, "doesn't it smell good? Just because you're on a no-fat diet doesn't mean I have to be. Just think of all that nice melted cheese! I can't wait to try it!"
Twerp.
But as my best friend Jane pointed out, it's good for me. "It's his job to torment you," she said. "You should know that."
I'm certain, though, when Obi Wan Kenobi said to young Annikan Skywalker, "Patience, young Jedi," he didn't have little brothers in mind. That's a whole different realm of that skill. But it's still a healthy one to learn.
If I don't wear down my molars in the process.
On a different note, I found out that Def Leppard is coming to town for a concert this summer at PGE Park. It's a double-billing with Bryan Adams (sort of an odd combination, in a way). Those of you who know me, know I like DefLep a lot, and I've seen them in concert twice already. But what's neat is that their drummer , Rick Allen(who retaught himself how to play the drums after he completely lost an arm in a car accident, and actually plays better now than he did before, I think) founded a charity organization with his wife, Lauren, called Raven Drum Foundation (http://ravendrumfoundation.org/) that sponsors arts programs. I've taken part in an energy medicine clinic Lauren put on last spring, which was then followed by a drum circle led by Rick Allen. A lot of fun, and the money goes towards the foundation.
One of the ways Raven Drum draws in patrons and helps get information out about the organization is by having a booth at concerts, manned by volunteers from the area. So I sent an email last night telling them I'd be glad to help out if they needed it. I'm planning on getting tickets, of course, but it would be a lot of fun to have a more behind-the-scenes perspective, too, and to help Raven Drum with my time. I've liked everyone I've met from the founddation, and it's an organization that sponsors something I believe in. The concert's scheduled to be at PGE Park in early June, home to the local baseball team, and is supposed to be an informal kind of setup. However I'm there, it'll make for a fun day.
Plus by then I should be feeling a lot better. At least for right now, when I say my life is a shambles, I can mean my gait, and not things overall.
P.S. Two new photos in the gallery.
P.P.S. Hopefully my consultation on Tuesday won't be heading towards this: http://www.cactusventures.com/jpg/operation.jpg
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