I could give the usual shtick of being busy, blah, blah, blah. But while that’s true – it’s also that I haven’t really had anything to write about. It has been very busy, though; my best friend came to visit for a few days before Christmas, then it was Christmas, then we had a four day work week following that which was busy. Then along came New Year’s (I spent it with friends from work), followed by probably the busiest four day week we’ve had in a while.
I actually only worked a half day on Friday, simply because I was not feeling well at all; I nearly passed out in the shower, then began feeling well enough to go to work. But because I didn’t trust myself to drive, I had a coworker come and get me; but by eleven that morning it was clear I was fading and went home. After about an hour of Perry Mason, I crashed and woke up to find that not only had I taken after my father by falling asleep for the last ten minutes, it was well into the next episode (channel 12 runs two Perry Mason shows back-to-back every week day.)
I peeled my contacts off, made myself a light lunch, then spent the rest of the afternoon dozing on the couch. By four I felt much better, and had one of those thick headaches that come from lethargy. I haven’t been getting to the gym as often as I’d like recently, and then not moving for several hours will do it to you every time.
This time of the year is usually a kind of odd time for me; for some reason, for most of my adult life – well at least the last four or five years – Christmas Day has felt like the end of the year for me, and then I go into a kind of emotional limbo for the week up until New Year’s. It’s like I go inward and am doing some kind of (sub)conscious inventory of what I’ve done for the last year. I made a resolution several years ago not to make New Year’s resolutions ever again, and so far I’ve kept it.
But this year I didn’t really do that. Things slowed for me a bit inwardly, but I didn’t get the sense of being in limbo. I’ll admit it did feel like things have been / are / will be changing for me (for various reasons), but it hasn’t been the sense of a dramatic shut down / restart as I’ve felt in recent years.
A few of you reading this have been privy to some of the stranger shifts and turns I’ve been feeling for the last year or so; emotionally I’ve been going through some hefty maneuverings starting a year ago October. I alluded to some of it in a couple of postings; that’s settled down quite a bit, and there’s a lot more calm to what came about and what I’ve been starting to understand about myself, where I’ve come from – and where I’m going. And even who’s likely to be involved.
The question now is how to pull it all together. But I get the sense I’m on the right path. The confusion, I realize now, came from my being unaccepting of what I was discovering about myself. It just didn’t seem possible...and yet, there it was, time and time again. And it’s still there.
All in all, I really feel like I’m truly starting to head into the person I was meant to be and the things I’m meant to do, and I’m truly resolved to letting it just unfold as it needs to and be responsible for keeping the momentum going.
And that’s a great way to begin the New Year.
Happiness to you all!
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