Remember, I Can See You

Gentle -- but important -- suggestions to men posting pictures in personal ads:

• Shave.  Make an effort to look decent.  Comb your hair.  If you look like a slob, then you're not going to get the responses you want.  Would you want to buy you if your photo is of you in craptacular jeans, an old t-shirt and a face that shows you haven't shaved in about five days?  Better yet -- would you hire yourself for a job?  No?  Well why would a put-together woman want to "hire" you?  The "looks don't matter" is partially true -- but when you look like you just rolled out of bed and  took the photo -- you're saying, "I'm not all that interested in this", and "I don't really give a crap."   There's not caring and not giving a shit.  Big difference, really.   
• Post a photo.  If you don't this leads us women to wonder -- what are you hiding?  What are you afraid we'll see?  I have a friend who always wonders, If he isn't posting a photo...what else is he hiding?  Marriage?  Every damn cellphone on the planet has a camera, and nearly all allow you to email a photo to yourself or someone you can then use.  And damn near everyone has an actual camera.  If you don't -- surely someone you know has one?  Yes?  And no, a damn Simpsonized or Family Guy-ized "photo" of yourself DOES NOT COUNT. 
  

• DON'T LIE.  Don't state in your profile that you're "athletic, fit, trim" when you're closer to the Michelin Man.
•  If I don't respond, don't keep emailing me.  It makes you sound desperate and like a complete jerk.
• Put some effort in your "personal essay" or whatever.  It's a given you like long walks on the beach, movies, dining, etc.  Tell me something that isn't standard personal ad schlock.  Throw in some personality.  Again -- you're selling yourself.  This is your resume.  Your cover letter.  Would you buy the bland, generically-advertised product, or would you lean towards the funny ad made with humor and creativity?
• Don't make a date with me and then tell me you've already chosen someone else.  
• Don't make a date with me, tell me you had an awesome time and the slink away.  Be a man.  Use those balls you're so proud of and just tell me, "Thanks, but no thanks."  Lying just makes you look like a douche bag.
• Don't take it personally if I'm not interested in you.  There's plenty of men out there who aren't interested in me, either.  
• DON'T LIE.  About anything.  Like -- you know.  Saying you're a certain age then meeting with me and it's obvious you're about 10 years beyond the photo you published.  
• DON'T LIE.  (I can't stress this enough).

Granted, I get it takes a big load of self-esteem to throw yourself out in the dating world, especially in the realm of serial blind dating through any one of the personal dating sites.  But it's extremely frustrating when the men on the sites come across as bland, bored / boring, slobs.  Women are visual creatures, men.  Weekend scruff and holey socks are okay -- but this is true window shopping.  Any window decorator will tell you it's how the merchandise is displayed that's going to pull the people into the store.  You are your own window-dresser.  Showcase yourself.

Showing that you care about how you look and make the effort to be at least a little creative in your ad shows that  you're actually interested.  It also doesn't mean you're being -- or I'm being -- shallow.  The book does get judged by the cover, I'm sorry.  Because it's what catches the reader's eye to actually pick it up and make them want to read further.   Yes, beauty is only skin deep...but actually shaving and wearing some nice clothes for your picture is worth the effort.

If you don't care -- fine.  But these complaints I'm listing here are what I hear nearly all of my single women friends state.  And I have a lot of single women friends.  So it's not just me.  If you want us to look a little further -- buy some new razors and some shaving cream and at least get rid of the scraggly scruff. There's an art to having it -- pick up a copy of GQ or Details.  You'll see that the men in there with scruff have done it in a very specific way...and they're also in nicer clothes.

Any marketing executive will tell you it's about the packaging.  You don't need to look like a metrosexual.  Just...clean yourself up a little.  Be creative.  Show me that you're actually interested in catching my eye.  Show me that you actually care about the fact you plunked down at least $100.

But if you can't, well -- best of luck to you.  I do hope you find someone.