Indomitable Spirits and Hearts, Indeed

Kokoro, the name of the camp I witnessed unfolding before me this past weekend, means that: Indomitable spirit/heart.  Watching the men -- and one female -- push themselves through the "crucible" of 50 hours of essentially non-stop physical activity was enormously inspiring and an incredible thing to witness.  It forces you to r unleash a strength and power you may not even be aware you have until you reach for it. 

I'm not even sure I can put into words exactly what I saw and felt; it's something like trying to describe a terrible and beautiful storm you watch from the edges. 

I've been considering for some time now going through it myself, and my thought was seeing it happen would push me in one direction or the other, and it did.  Truthfully?  I always knew what direction I would go.  I just needed to see it to take it.  So next year, likely in August or September, I will be going through it myself.

And I can't wait!

Yes, there's a part of me that's utterly terrified by the idea -- the part of me that is thinking no no too scary can't don't bad stupid what-are-you-thinking-are-you-freaking-insane back out renig no don't don't don't -- but the larger part of me is the one that wrote the sentence for the above one-liner paragraph.

It reminds me of when the date I was to ship out for the Air Force began looming over me.  I was so excited, and I knew it fit perfectly and as right as Italian leather shoes made precisely for my feet...but I had the same no no too scary can't don't bad stupid what-are-you-thinking-are-you-freaking-insane back out renig no don't don't don't thoughts -- to the point where I even started trying to come up with ways to cancel my enlistment.

But, really -- those thoughts, as these are now, were half-hearted.  They really held no power over me and when I tried to lean in that direction, it rankled me.  Yes, when I got there I was homesick and miserable and frustrated most of the time because I felt like the TI was always picking on me harshly (he told me upon graduation that he did so because he saw I had a lot of potential)...but I loved it, even if I didn't know at the time that I did.

I emailed my coach, Brad, last night and told him my decision -- because I knew he'd be excited to hear it, and because I knew I couldn't back out at that point.  And today I bought boots to start breaking in.  Appropriately, and cool as hell, they're official US Navy SEAL combat boots.  What could be cooler than that?

Brad -- and the other coaches -- kept nudging me gently all weekend about going through.  No pressure, but from a perspective they thought I could do it.  One of them told me I had the personality to make it through.  I found that very flattering.  Between that, and the incredible inspiration pouring out from the students, there really was no other answer for me. 

The other thing was that, as I watched, I realized I wanted to be a coach for it; to do so, you have to have gone through it (of course).  I think it would be an enormous boon to the camp to have a female coach, and, too -- that way I can somehow start advocating in a more truthful way for more women to go through.  The whole thing spoke to me in an incredibly deep way -- as a life coach and as a big sister.  I believed in what Mark Divine was doing from the moment I stumbled across his SEALFIT website and I clicked on the Academies tab and first discovered Kokoro.  Which was the first moment I felt a resounding yes! in my gut. 

Colin, the fellow I sponsored, did splendidly, and he told me I'd made a dream of his come true; he'd wanted to do Kokoro ever since he saw it, and I helped him realize he did, after all, have a "warrior spirit" in him (I knew he had it in him, which was one reason I offered him the sponsorship), which finalized his decision to enlist in the Navy and become a SEAL. 

I've also spoken to Mary, the female who barreled through it with fire and power (earning her the "Fire in the Belly" award) via email a few times, and she's echoing what Colin has been saying -- that they feel like they can take on the world and that there's nothing they can't do.  She wants to go into the Navy and work in a support position for the SEALs as a trauma surgeon.  Truthfully?  I think she could easily be the first female SEAL -- and kick total butt -- if it were possible at this time. 

And experience like that is something they may never be able to put into words.  Whatever the paths Mary, Colin and the rest of the graduates take, I know they're going to do marvelously. 

Congratulations to Kokoro Class 21!  I can't wait for April and Class 22, and for graduation of Class 31 or 32!

Mike Ostrolenk (intern coach), Me, Jeff Grant (intern coach), Brad McLeod (the fellow with the evil chuckle, as mentioned in my previous post!).  February 24, 2012 (also Brad's birthday!)

Me, Colin, Brad (repost from previous blog entry.)