Monday, July 21, 2008

When Things Go Bump in the Night

We all have a dark side. A shadow. A gritty side to our lives and thoughts that creeps with oily and perhaps sinister ropes through our spirits and souls and washes into our dreams sometimes. It's what we have come to believe hides in the dark, perhaps battered around beneath our bed, sleeping in the day with the dust and forgotten corners of our bedroom, then coming alive at night as we slip into the nothingness place of no-thought. It's grimy. Sweaty. Ragged and limned with crawly things that make us dash from switch plate to bed, hoping that what lurks in the corners doesn't reach out with clawed and daggery hand to draw us into its realm.

Or is that -- perhaps just our imagination...?

What has told us that the shadowy things that lurk behind the doors of our minds is slimy and to be paid no attention?

The Black Forest of our childhood fairy tales lurks in our minds -- but is it really filled with old witches waiting to eat us, or perhaps fairies waiting to gnaw at our bones? What if it was merely...a perspective we carried, to help us feel safe?

Day is good, safe.

Night is uneasy and unsafe.

But is it really?

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!

But what if The Shadow was merely -- us? A side of ourselves we daren't explore for fear we may find something that rules and justice and what we each believe is right cannot withstand? What if -- just what if -- we did hold up that mirror and look to the other side? Our shadows do know, and we make ourselves happy by pretending it's not there, or perhaps accepting it...but still looking no further than the glimmer darkling on the surface.

The newest Batman movie,The Dark Knight, begins with a bang and shove as stern as a stick of dynamite that forces, non-stop, us to look at that dark side. What is good? What is wrong? What is noble? What is sinister? Powered by a stellar soundtrack, the whole movie is like a wild ride on a roller coaster barely kept in check by engineering and physics.

Batman himself was born of fears, of things that flap and lurk in the damp dark of our minds; he knows what evil lurks in his heart, as he's seen it, and he -- thinks -- he's confronted it and can thus become the salvation of humanity, ensconced in Gotham city.

Thinking he's delved as deeply as he can go into his own dark side, as we all would like to think we have, he discovers, through the unnervingly well-meaning Joker, is that he's only scratched the surface, gone only as deeply as made him comfortable. He only thinks he knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men -- and himself.

Through this conflict -- between self and deeper self, through Batman and The Joker (superbly and sinisterly played by Heath Ledger who manages to simultaneously show a tortured soul for whom we can't help but have sympathy, even if uneasily given), we're forced to look dead-on into that shadow side.

A man, The Joker says, shows his true self in his last moments.

We'd all like to think we know our "true selves". We carry what we think they are around with us like a beloved wallet or purse -- but isn't that belief just a set of makeup no different than what The Joker wears? Isn't it just a mask, no different than Batman's? What would happen if we lifted and and were forced to confront what's shimmering beneath it?

In The Dark Knight, we're forced -- with the same bang and shove with which the movie opens -- to confront that. Who is the true antagonist? Who is the true outlaw? The true villain?

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain, Harvey Dent, Gotham's District Attorney, says.

But who gives the label -- do we give it to ourselves, or do other people? What makes a hero? Someone who lurks in the dark, using violence to tear down the criminal network of a city? Or is it someone who lurks in the dark, using violence to help us find our own heroic selves we may have overlooked?

What exactly is the anarchy The Joker says he likes to introduce? What is the chaos of which he speaks? He says it's fear. And it's fear that makes us shy away from that shadow place, because in that shadow place lies anarchy, chaos -- and a world in which there may not be any rules...something The Joker has come to realize and live by; Batman says he only has one.

But to that -- what then is true freedom? Do the rules of "justice" and "good" perhaps create a rigid structure that disallows flexibility and truly living life to its fullest? Or is living without them, living in a state of...organized...chaos and anarchy true freedom the better way to live? But is it because it carries such deep and far-reaching power to choose to live that way the reason why we keep it under a tight lid?

But what we -- like Batman finds -- is that lid is not airtight. It's pocked and nicked, and thus unsealed. Easily flipped open. And The Joker, in his trixter way shows us that's the true joke: the control we believe we have can be unraveled at any moment simply by shaking us up and having that lurking anarchy and chaos in us foam up and over the rim of our container.

Batman is The Dark Knight. Harvey Dent is known as Gotham's White Knight; but anyone familiar with the comics (and even the fairly lousy film with Tommy Lee portraying the same part), becomes Two Face -- a man ravaged by rage and revenge. Dark becomes white, white becomes dark. Where does the overlap occur?

The Joker, gleefully sinister to us because he knows this secret -- that we all carry him inside of us, we all have both white and dark knights in us, we all have Jokers lurking between them, becoming the bridge. We've just tricked ourselves into believing we have it all ordered, under lock and key.

But do we?

The psychology behind this latest movie immerses you in these questions; we all carry the potential for having the explosion that occurs when an "unstoppable force meets and immovable object" -- as The Joker happily points is what occurs when we're forced to face our opposite side.

But are Batman and The Joker really opposites? What is light and what is dark? Is Batman really any different than The Joker -- or is it that he's just barely keeping that anarchy and chaos in check?

Or is he?

Who is Gotham's -- our -- true white knight? Don't we all carry a Joker, a Batman and a Two Face in us?

....Or are they all the same person?

Can we really count on ourselves, when pushed with a bang and a shove into a situation, to do the "right thing" -- ? We'd all like to think so. But the fear we also carry is that we may find that we cannot, and have someone else pop out of us, like a clown from a Jack-in-the-Box who takes over, and takes control.

...takes control away from us, even? Or is it perhaps that is our true "control", and we're having our true self be revealed to us?

Is the Joker really the villian? Or is he just...what we find unsettling in us? He shows us we fear true freedom, and he swoops in with laughter and frankness to force us to question our beliefs we've sewn neatly into our minds to keep us sane.

Or...is he perhaps the true sane person in the film? He views the world with a child's frankness and clarity bound up with a genius and an unspeakable sorrow. Life isn't just Disneyland. Yes, it's there -- but there is also soot, grime, excrement and violence. And like Dorothy trying to get to the Emerald City -- to get home -- what he forces us to see, is that in order to get to where we truly want, to get to our true freedom, we must also embrace our shadows and the dark. We all have two faces -- or even three or four.
The true sinister thing is not The Joker or his "insanity", but the realization that we are not who we'd like to think we are. He forces us, just as he forces Batman, to see that he is us, and we are him, just as we are Batman, Commissioner Gordon and Rachel Dawes. The entire film is peopled with facets of our own minds, parts and bits we do our best to avoid seeing, but perhaps still stumble over daily. We are the dark, the light, the innocent and fearless. We are the fearful, the strong and the confident.

But isn't it that potpourri of ropes that bind us up and make us who we are? Aren't, then, the shadowy murky parts of us equally good -- necessary?

The Joker pulls us into those overlooked depths with the power of innocence and the terrible power of the sun, and it's through that light we see the dark parts to which we have, until now, been blissfully blind.

No, you say. That's not me! I would never fall into that way of thinking! True freedom is not in anarchy and chaos!

But...what if -- you might? What if...just what if...it was -- ?

There is no such thing as control; it's smoke and mirrors we keep alive. All it takes, as The Joker tells Batman, is a little push. He forces us to ask ourselves, or at least confront the question of, does the control come from stopping just before we go over the edge -- or does it perhaps by stepping off of it?

That, my dear readers, is the real joke: we do not truly see what we think we see.

And that's what makes the whole movie so terrifyingly, deliciously unsettling.

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The good?

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The bad?

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...or perhaps a shadow or reflection of the same?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

ARGH! Rudeness!

Ugh. So in my apartment complex we have washers downstairs in a room; about 7 washers and 7 dryers, perhaps 8.

I'm really annoyed at the moment, because I went down at 7:40 am this morning to put in a load (yes, I was up that early. I often / generally am on a weekend) to put in ONE SMALL LOAD and some JACKASS has taken up ALL THE WASHERS.

YES. *** ALL *** of them.

How do I know they have? Because the timer on the front of each machine is within a minute or of each other; 22, 23, 22, 22, 23 and so on.

The whole reason I went down early was to catch the washers before this clod (okay, so it could be more than one...) commandeered the entire laundry room for his/her own personal use. Afterall -- nobody else wants to do laundry on the weekend, of course.

One day, I looked in a washer of such a happening and each one was filled with about 5 things. For crap's sake. What a waste of 75 cents and water. Sure, I believe in separating colors and whites, but this person had 5 colors in one, then about 5 more colored items in the next one, then a about the same amount of whites in the next -- and so on.

It really BLEEEP-ing annoys me -- nay, pisses me the &$@# off -- that someone would be that clueless and lack that kind of common sense.

Yes. I get that laundry is annoying. Yes, I get that you want to get it all done as quickly as possible. But that's why you do it more often, perhaps, rather than once a week and thus putting AN ENTIRE 3-FLOOR BUILDING OF ABOUT 150 OR MORE UNITS ON HOLD.

Ugh. So I came up and lodged a complaint to the management.

Again.

I've complained about this before -- it seems like they could put a 3 unit limit on someone.

Because here's the thing: whoever does this then takes up ALL THE DRYERS, TOO.

Once I hung around for a bit of time as they timed out (like for about 10 minutes) to -- POLITELY -- say something to the clod --

Er, ahem -- neighbor --

-- but they never showed up in that timeframe. So not only were they hogging the washers and dryers (a dry cycle is 60-80 minutes long), they continued to hog it after it was over.

Sure. I've left a load in longer than just the 35 minutes for a wash or the 60 minutes for a wash for a variety of reasons (I've forgotten, I've gotten sidetracked, I've left to do an errand for the hour and it took longer, etc.) but It's only been one *MAYBE* two loads.

It never ceases to amaze me at how clueless people are that there might possibly maybe perhaps be other people that exist outside of their own little world.

*SIGHGROAN*

GRRRR....growl (muttermuttermuttermuttermutter)

Anyway. Enough on that. It's probably a good thing I've never run into this clod (SORRY SORRY, NEIGHBOR!)...otherwise they might find themselves with a laundry basket-shaped belly after I stuffed it down their neck. :)

But I'd do it with all the grace and politeness I was raised to have when dealing with people. I wouldn't be the least bit rude about it. Not at all. I'd simply be giving them a hands-on definition -- a...visual, if you will -- of "Go stuff yourself."

..............At least it's a pretty day outside! :)

-- H

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

"!"

I just noticed that my little Mama Bird did take a bunch of the cotton!

And here I thought she'd snubbed me :)

-- H

What I Did For My Summer Vacation

My birthday was last Thursday, and each year I take a block of time off to celebrate it. This year I had half of last Wednesday, Thursday, a vacation day Friday for the Fourth, then both Monday and Tuesday. It's been nice.

I did a lot of stuff for myself, and one thing was to fix up my terrace even more. I'd planted a bunch of plants back in May when it got nicely warm, but then Mom Nature thought she'd have the last laugh, and we had one more hurrah of cold, damp weather that killed off most of what I planted -- all except for the geraniums.

I'd planned to do just geraniums as they forgive you for dry soil, wet soil, colder weather, hot weather and so on...they're quite hearty. My terrace gets sun in the morning, but not too much, so I have to be careful with what I choose. Geraniums seem to also like it out there, as much as they like direct sunlight.

Plus they weather through the winter nicely if I remember to cluster everyone against a corner of my terrace and then wrap them with clear plastic. I usually do that in October -- and then step out once a month or so and give them a good watering.

I have a lovely view, too, of a wonderful garden a downstairs neighbor keeps up, and has done so for nearly fifteen years. It stretches down to the end of the building to the left (about two aparments in length), and then about three times that (or more!) to the right. Linda had cancer last year, and so I helped her by watering her plants a few times during the summer months; it took a total of about 3 hours over two nights each time! She also recruited the help of a local garden club, who came in and put it "to bed" when Fall began rolling into winter.

She's doing much better (all in the clear), and I've been glad to see her poking around out there in the afternoons and evenings.

The jasmine I put out on my terrace smells beautiful, and the sound of my new kapiz windchimes is lovely as well. I actually finally did something I've been meaning to do for the last 3-4 years, and that's to hang all my windchimes from hooks along the edge of the ceiling (the bottom of the upstairs terrace), as they never seemed to chime much from the hooks along the walls, even though they stuck out. They've been much more active as well.

I also got a new hummingbird feeder, as the red glass globe one I had seemed to frustrate the humming birds that would stop by -- my father said he'd noticed that the holes for their tongues weren't as large as the ones in the cheaper / classic-style ones that look like a jar with yellow flowers on it. So that's what I got.

I'd also been starving my local birdies; my suet feeder was empty and I kept forgetting to buy more. Did that as well.

Speaking of birdies...a little hapai mama bird decided to make her nest in my hanging basket of geraniums. I'm pleased she felt safe there (I had fun reaching into my inner 6-year-old a few days ago when I discovered she was doing that by finding things to leave for her to use for her nest. Some she took -- like the pieces of twine -- others she didn't. She snubbed the bits of cotton).

And so -- watering that plant is a bit dicey now. I try to carefully do it from the opposite side from where her nest is, but it inevitably startles her and she flies out, cluck-chirping at me. I just hope Lady Perigrine Falcon who graced my terrace last year stays away until Mama Mia and her little family have flown the coop.

Speaking of that falcon, there's a pair of ospreys that have taken up residence by the duck pond near my house, and it's been really cool to go walking there and watch them gliding around, and to hear them calling to each other.

Their cry seems throatier than a red-tailed hawk, and osprey seem to be chattier than hawks, too. I'm not sure I've ever seen more than one hawk at a time, either.

Anyway. Below are pictures of my terrace for you all. It's been nice out there, and I've been listening to / watching planes flying overhead, heading to what's likely the Hillsboro Airshow next weekend. I've heard some oldtimey-sounding prop planes, jets (F-16 and a few F-18s) and I did get to watch a big Coast Guard helcopter whop-whistling by overhead. That was really cool!

Not much more to report. I'm sad today's my last day before I go back, but I feel nicely rested, too. Plus I only have 3 days this week, so it'll be a short week.


Another view from my terrace.

Above: I look down into this; my neighbor downstairs and over one apartment takes care of this. It stretches out to the right and left as well. It's even more gorgeous when all the flowers start blooming.

Second view from my terrace.

Above: This is to the right of the first picture.


My terrace.

Above: To the right as you face out. You can see one of my two chairs -- I have room for them, matching footstools, a little table in-between the chairs, all the plants AND a big gas grill!

My terrace.

Above: To the left as you face out. New hummingbird feeder and newly-refilled suet feeder in view!

My terrace.

Above: Close-up of the Zen Spot.

My terrace.

Above: To the left of the Zen Spot. The bamboo and palm tree (it seems to really like the weather here!) I've had for a few years; the jasmine plants (one on each side) I just added today.

My terrace.

Above: Another angle of the Zen Spot. Slightly longer view.

My terrace.

Above: A wider shot, taken from my balcony door, showing my new kapiz windchimes, and the other ones I hung along the edge.

-- H